Choice Relationships: 2008:
It's All About Connection
Circulation 1700
Volume 23 April 2008
In This Issue:
My Personal Insights:
Choice Tips:
Additional Resources I Recommend:
Empowering Information and Tools:
The subject for this month's newsletter was inspired by my younger daughter. She and I have a close connection (as do my other daughter and I) but it's going to be put to the test a bit because she has just left for Australia. Nice trip, eh? But she'll be gone for a year as she broadens her horizons. Thanks to technology, we'll be able to stay in touch - though it just ain't the same as a hug. I'll be working hard at my tools for staying connected.
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ALWAYS INSIGHTFUL I wanted to thank you for your informative newletters... Melissa N. I'VE LEARNED A LOT FROM YOUR PERSONAL INSIGHTS Thanks for your insight on relationships. I am a widow trying to start a new relationship, and surely, your advice has been a big help. Keep up the good work, Dr K!!"
YOUR INSIGHTS HELPED ME IMPORVE Thank you so much for your helpful insights. They have helped improve my life and my relationships with others. Elizabeth, Australia Thank you, great advice!!!!! David S. |
The Emotional Paradox
As humans, there's a paradox we suffer. That paradox has to do with our ability to feel emotion. Borrowing from a famous lyric, when they are good, they are very, very good - but when they are bad, they feel awful. The only way to really feel the good emotions is to allow yourself to be vulnerable. And therefore, you're also likely to get hurt. The only way to avoid feeling bad is to not let yourself feel. Yes, you avoid feeling badly, but the joy and satisfaction of the deep rich emotions are not ever yours. There's the rub! But there are certain things you can do, to help you feel more connected to those who are important and meaningful to you.
Choice Tips:
- Understand and accept the fundamental difference in the way that men and women connect:
Men very much need to feel appreciated in order to feel connected; men connect through sex which increases their oxytocin (the feel good hormone); they do connect through touch but need 2-3 times more of it to feel a bond with a woman; and men like routines.
Women feel connected when her mate makes small gestures to show he cares; - Small gestures go a long way for staying connected. Here are some ideas: touch your partner on their shoulder as you walk past him or her, look up and smile at him or her when he or she enters the room, leave a message via email, text, or voice mail saying "I'm thinking nice thoughts about you."
- Remember to give to your partner in the way that he or she needs - which may not necessarily be anything at all the way you need to be given to.
- Develop your own secret code. When couples have their own private language it's very personal and it strengthens the bond between the two of you.
- Many women become disappointed because their significant males do not meet all of their emotional expectations. Know that men do not necessarily respond in the same way that a woman does. Also, relationships go through ups and downs - it's a natural process. So, make sure you keep in touch with your female friends to help maintain the balance and keep a sense of connection.
Additional Resources I Recommend:
From the Internet, some wonderful suggestions about codes:::
Click to Read!
O'Connor, C.," How to talk to your spouse (silently)," Denver Post, 6/26/2007
Empowering Tools and Information:
Having a choice relationship and being connected to a significant other is something most everyone wants. But what most people overlook is how important it is to have a connection to yourself. It is truly the foundation to a good relationship. But many of you are still carrying baggage from the past that is getting in the way of having the relationship you want and so many other wonderful experiences. My new book, "Mindfulness and The Art of Choice: Transform Your Life," teaches you the tools to free yourself from your past!
It's available with a guarantee at my website or at amazon.com. Check it out!
Click here to find out more.
You can also hear a workshop I did offering the same tools. It's shorter but a great way to get started. Look over " The Art of Choice: Live Workshop."