Choice Relationships: Tips From the Masters
Circulation 1300
Volume 14 June 2007
In This Issue:
My Personal Insights:
Choice Tips:
Additional Resources I Recommend:
Empowering Information and Tools:
At the end of last month running into the beginning of this month, I attended the annual conference of SmartMarriages. This was an especially significant one for me as I also presented a workshop.
Though the Conference addresses every possible aspect of relationships with the hope of improving the institution of marriage, there are lots of wonderful tips I gain about relationships, in general. This month's newsletter, which may seem disjointed as far as a theme, is devoted to those tips.
Not a member yet? To receive your copy of helpful tips to create more satisfying and powerful choice relationships, simply fill in your e-mail address in the box below and click "Join." You will receive this newsletter once a month.
ALWAYS INSIGHTFUL I wanted to thank you for your informative newletters... Melissa N. I'VE LEARNED A LOT FROM YOUR PERSONAL INSIGHTS Thanks for your insight on relationships. I am a widow trying to start a new relationship, and surely, your advice has been a big help. Keep up the good work, Dr K!!"
YOUR INSIGHTS HELPED ME IMPORVE Thank you so much for your helpful insights. They have helped improve my life and my relationships with others. Elizabeth, Australia Thank you, great advice!!!!! David S. |
The Importance of Relationships
As humans, we are social creatures and relationships are extremely important. Of course, our emotionality has both an upside and a downside to it. Once you get involved with someone, there is a chance of being hurt. However, there is nothing that feels more satisfying and gratifying than the intimacy of true connection. Often, such a relationship is also quite healing. Yet, many do not know how to make the most of relationships so that they can flourish.
- The consistent piece of advice offered by many keynote presenters was the concept that to make a relationship really work, your focus has to be on giving your mate what he or she needs. In other words, stop thinking about your own needs because when you do, you each end up feeling deprived; it's like two people with unmet needs co-existing rather than being "in relationship."
- In a relationship, it is vital to feel that your feelings are valued. So when you interact with your partner, do so compassionately. By doing so, resentment will not escalate. Having difficulty being compassionate towards your mate when you're hurt or angry? Try going back to your core values or realize that when your mate is acting badly, (s)he is really feeling lousy inside - so think of her or him as a hurting child.
- What you focus on will determine what you feel. The words you attach to your experience will change you biochemically. Therefore, you are empowered to change your relationship by changing your focus and altering your words.
- Biology has created two different species. These variations show up in the way men and women talk, act, remember, react, and connect. You will get along better if you accept these as differences and learn to work with them.
- If you've got the kind of partnership that tends to flare up easily, do not go eye to eye - that will only make things worse. Instead, take some space from one another and allow feelings to calm down. (My additional suggestion: take some slow, deep breaths to self-regulate your emotions.)
- Think about "What have I done for my marriage (relationship) today?" When you do so, it will help focus you in a more positive, productive direction.
- The reason the "Honeymoon Phase" of a relationship is so wonderful is because you paid attention to one another, you appreciated each other, you made time for one another, you made sure to respect each other, etc. Want it back? You can have it - just do those things again!
Additional Resources I Recommend:
The biological differences between the brains of men and women:
Gray, J. Why Mars and Venus Collide: Improving Relationships by Understanding How Men and Women Cope Differently with Stress , Harper, February 2008
Harley Jr., W.F. His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage , Revell, April, 2001
Empowering Information and Tools:
Great Opportunity: Join Karen on Sirius 114 this Tuesday, July 31 from 6:30- 7:00am (ET) on Positively Incorrect hosted by Scott Cluthe. She'll be speaking live about relationships and answering questions. You can call in and speak with her at 866.546.3114.
BONUS: Keep your eye open for an email from me about a quick survey so you can tell me what YOU want to learn about.
And... More time-tested easy to apply tools to revitalize your relationship whether you're married or in a committed relationship by yours truly (co- author: Dale Klein)! Check out Marriage Magic! Find It, Keep It, Make It Last