Choice Relationships: Mending Meaningful Old Ones
Circulation 900
Volume 11 April 2007
In This Issue:
My Personal Insights:
Choice Tips:
Additional Resources I Recommend:
Empowering Information and Tools:
This newsletter is dedicated to the memory of my father-in-law who passed away on April 1. Though he only stood at a height of 5'8'', he was a giant of a man in presence. Up until the end, he was vital, full of life, and clearly made a mark on all who knew him. He was the kind of man who you thought would live forever and he is sorely missed. As I reflect on Dad and what has transpired since his death is the way family has come together. I know his legacy is the importance of acceptance and family.
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ALWAYS INSIGHTFUL I wanted to thank you for your informative newletters... Melissa N. I'VE LEARNED A LOT FROM YOUR PERSONAL INSIGHTS Thanks for your insight on relationships. I am a widow trying to start a new relationship, and surely, your advice has been a big help. Keep up the good work, Dr K!!"
YOUR INSIGHTS HELPED ME IMPORVE Thank you so much for your helpful insights. They have helped improve my life and my relationships with others. Elizabeth, Australia Thank you, great advice!!!!! David S. |
Mending by Acceptance and New Realities
It's so easy to get hurt by others, especially those who are close to you. After all, it's with these people that you are most vulnerable; it's with these people that you have greater expectations. But everyone has a different perception of the world, a different reality - even those raised in the same family. And in this frantic, busy world where most of us are insecure and ill-equipped to really communicate well, there's a good chance that there'll be a lot of misunderstandings and miscommunications.
You can hold onto those entitled upset emotions and feel protected in your personal cocoons. Or, as I've been reminded by recent events, you can understand that everyone has limitations, seeing only their reality, and choose to let go of your hurts in order to reach across the gap and gain the comfort of one another.
- Accept that everyone is different. When someone you care about disappoints you, consider that it was not intentional but that he or she just did not see the world as you do.
- Though you know that no one is perfect, act on this. If you have gotten upset with someone close to you, try to talk it out so you can come to a better understanding of one another. Sometimes, however, it is best to just let the incident go.
- Unfortunately, there are some people who are toxic and it is better not to have anything to do with them. But for most people, you need to look at "the whole" of the person. By and large, is the person someone who brings something to your relationship? If so, focus on those aspects and appreciate them.
- Even if a lot of time has passed, if there is someone you want to reconnect with, make a gesture to do so. You are likely to find it very rewarding.
- There are so many reasons you find for not being in touch with people - hurts, life getting in the way, misunderstandings. Yet, social support is one of the most significant buffers to stress. Humans are social creatures; we need each other. Yes, relationships take time but the benefit is worth it.
- Life goes quickly and one never knows when it will end. Remember to let those who are important to you know that they are. In that vein, I do appreciate all of you who subscribe to this newsletter and support my efforts.
Additional Resources I Recommend:
A quote by Thich Nhat Hanh on Impermanence that I think is very appropriate to this newsletter: (Thich Nhat Hanh is a Vietnamese Buddhist Monk and the author of dozens of books.)
If you suffer, it is not because things are impermanent. It is because you believe things are permanent. When a flower dies, you don't suffer much, because you understand that flowers are impermanent. But you cannot accept the impermanence of your beloved one, and you suffer deeply when she passes away.
If you look deeply into impermanence, you will do your best to make her happy right now. Aware of impermanence, you become positive, loving and wise. Impermanence is good news. Without impermanence, nothing would be possible. With impermanence, every door is open for change. Impermanence is an instrument for our liberation. Chopra, D. "The Path to Love: Spiritual Strategies for Healing," Three Rivers Press, 1998.
Empowering Information and Tools:
To learn a variety of tools from many different respected experts, I recommend a book I contributed to: 101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life: Vol. 2 .
To find out more about this book, go to: http://www.drkarensherman.com/selfimprovement or Click to buy the book!
Heads up! There's another FREE teleseminar being offered: "Empower Your Relationship With the 7 Tools of Conflict Communication and Create Greater Connection" on Thursday, May 10 at 9:00pm (ET) / 6:00pm (PT). Even if you already have a commitment for that time, sign up so you can have access to the free audio.
To register, go to
www.ChoiceRelationships.com/askdrkaren