Choice Relationships: Live Life More Fully By Letting Go
Circulation 875
Volume 8 January 2007
In This Issue:
My Personal Insights:
Choice Tips:
Additional Resources I Recommend:
Empowering Information and Tools:
As we start the New Year and new beginnings, I thought it appropriate to present a concept that is sometimes challenging. A couple of months ago while vacationing, my husband and I decided to try ziplining . For those who are unfamiliar with this activity, it's hanging in a harness, hooked onto a cable several 100 feet above a ravine and swinging between two trees, 1100' apart, at about 55mph! What were we thinking? Once we started there was literally no turning back. To start the process, one walks up a ladder, steps out on a ledge, and then lets go! After getting past my initial fear, not only did I enjoy the excitement, but I realized the lesson: the only way I could have the wonderful experience was to face my fear and let go!
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ALWAYS INSIGHTFUL I wanted to thank you for your informative newletters... Melissa N. I'VE LEARNED A LOT FROM YOUR PERSONAL INSIGHTS Thanks for your insight on relationships. I am a widow trying to start a new relationship, and surely, your advice has been a big help. Keep up the good work, Dr K!!"
YOUR INSIGHTS HELPED ME IMPORVE Thank you so much for your helpful insights. They have helped improve my life and my relationships with others. Elizabeth, Australia Thank you, great advice!!!!! David S. |
We Are Only Held Back by Our Fears
Though most of us experience a range of emotions, there are really only two basic ones that rule us - fear and love. Both are clearly very powerful.
And though there are certain fears that are biologically wired in so that we will survive, most of our fears are learned. When we are born, we are full of vibrancy and joyfulness. And then, unfortunately, most of us learn to restrain ourselves in response to our caretakers. After all, we want to be loved by them and so we adapt to their messages.
We have no way of knowing that the messages we get from them are really due to their own limitations from their past. We end up feeling judged or shamed or unworthy. Without realizing it, we continue to feel this way the rest of our lives.
When we get into relationships, we tend to shut down our emotions or have a fear of truly being ourselves. Sadly, what we want is love but our fear blocks us from true intimacy - within ourselves and with others. Hopefully, by understanding this, you will start to take a risk and rather than be hampered by your fear, you will choose to live through love!
- Start to notice the thoughts that run through your head all the time. If they are self-critical or self-blaming, learn to shut them down. This is a process that takes time but eventually you can make the negative thought go away. First, when you become aware of your negative thought, immediately force yourself to think of anything else - it is only possible for the brain to have one thought at a time.
- When you notice that you're afraid to express yourself or an emotion, be aware of where you learned that it was wrong to do so. Try to express yourself in spite of the fear - even a watered down version is a good first step for you to see that you are able to express yourself. The next time the opportunity arises, remind yourself that you were able to do it once. It will become easier and easier.
- Do a reality check. If you hesitate in "showing" yourself to your significant other, ask yourself if there is really any reason for you to feel this way, has the person given you any cause or is this just an old belief system that still hangs on?
- When you experience fear, do some slow deep breathing (take a slow breath through your nose into your solar plexus, hold, release very slowly through slightly open lips). This will help relax you and enable you to "let go" of whatever is upsetting.
- Start to look around and appreciate your surroundings and the people in your life. The more you can find love, the more love will grow!
Additional Resources I Recommend:
"The Dance of Fear" by Harriett Lerner
"Love Is Letting Go of Fear" by Gerald G. Jampolsky, Hugh Prather, Jack O. Keeler
Empowering Information and Tools:
Many fears result from old patterns from your past. I've developed a program to help people become unfrozen and live a life of choice. I presented a Workshop on this and you can learn more about it through a CD I'm offering.
To find out more
Don't forget to take advantage of my invitation to join the FREE teleseminar I'm offering about 7 How-to-Fight Secrets on Feb. 8.
Just click this link.
For those of you in the Melbourne, Fla. Area, please join me as I'm interviewed on the "Mike & Mindy in the Morning Show" on WLRQ Lite Rock 99.3 at 7:50a.m., Wednesday, January 31.